EULAs as One's Oath of Fealty to the Overlords

Oct. 24, 2020 [technology] [proprietary]

The land of the internet and computing has been dotted with castles. Fortresses and castles for empires whose leaders so generously grant the use of their land out to users. Between these castles lay the open fields of barbarians and smaller powers. It is at the behest of users to decide whether they try to forge their own way in the open plains, or to cower within the walls of a lord’s castle.

But users may not simply enter a lord’s land without stipulation. No, they must undergo an induction ceremony or, as it is more colloquially known, the EULA. In this act of humiliation, a user relinquishes their own rights over to a lord through a ritualistic declaration of faithfulness by selecting “I Agree”, constituting the ultimate gesture of submission.

It is through this process that a user becomes a vassal of their proprietary lord, earning them the ability to work the platform for their master. In exchange, lords offer promises to provide protection, peace, and safety to those vassals within their lands. And it is precisely because users seldom hold the means to establish their own land that they must choose between safety under a lord, or self sufficiency out on the frightening plains of barbarians.

Figure 01. Facebook vassals working the pages granted to them by Lord Zuckerberg.