Faux Breakup Threats

Dec. 20, 2023 [technology] [memes]

“If the oppossing faction’s candidate wins, then I’m moving to Canada/Mexico!”

Had become a meme threat made by blowhards who find themselves on the losing end of a recent political [s]election. And I am always reminded of this third stage of grief in action whenever a new release of Windows looms on the horizon. You begin to hear a similar threat bandied all over the web:

“If Microsoft adds $NEW_ANTIFEATURE/removes $THING_I_LIKE, then I’m switching to Linux!”

ORLY? What is your migration strategy? Have you taken any time to learn at all about your intended destination? Which distro? Those who exclaim such outrage seldom ever carry through with their hollow threats. And if they truly cared, they would have already abandoned Windows long ago.

So if it is not their intention to make any meaningful change, what is their intent? We must first understand that these individuals tend to suffer from a variation of slave morality. Their assumption being that if only they protest loudly enough, then their master may cease beating them so harshly. Despite the master’s long history of known abuse, they believe that a sufficiently intense pleading will inspire a change of heart. It exposes their complete lack of understanding of power dynamics and motivational forces.

The “or else I’ll switch to Linux!” crowd are unabashedly trying to bargain with a tech giant who likely views them no differently from the way that a farmer views his cattle. That being a desire to maximize their extraction of value from the herd users, and ensure they don’t escape the farm. Microsoft is confident in their knowledge that nearly every single chest beater will eventually roll over and accept whatever impositions are made on them, given enough time.

This dynamic also holds true for those who echo similar cries about leaving youtube for alternatives, or leaving X for mastodon. We know and they know that these are empty threats which will never be seen through to the point of lasting action. There was once a time where upon happening across such outcry, that it would have evoked sympathy in me. But these days, I instead find myself tempted to grill them and pry for simple details that anyone planning any such serious migration to freedom ought to know. My compassion has been exhausted.

Just as those who threaten relocating to Canada or Mexico due to election outcomes have almost no real working knowledge of the adjustments they will need to make in their supposed promised land, so too those who threaten migrating to Linux often have no real working knowledge of the technical, functional or organizational differences it bears to Windows.